Indestructible mind,

It's been a really long while since i've logged in. No it doesn't mean that something bad has happen & i need a place to rant. The thing is, life has been treating me quite well recently. But life's life. It'll have its moments. Its ups & downs. I don't really have a clue on what i'm going on about. However i had a sudden urge to blog and that would be the reason i'm back here tonight. Probably would be on hiatus again after this but oh well, just an update to keep this pathetic, abandoned & dying account alive. Sometimes i wonder why i even try. Stupidity maybe. Or for the fact that i don't have anywhere else to go. Anyway just recently, i've been pondering on the idea that my english language is lacking in the vocabulary section if you know what i mean. I feel like i'm insanely useless in so many ways. But that's normal right? The insecurity i mean. Hmmm and what if i don't want to be like everyone else? What if i want to be special? Different. 

You know what? Instead of "complaining" about it. I'm just going to get out there & actually work on it. 

On a side note, i have come to a conclusion that i'm not as mature as i thought i was. There are just so many things to learnt. I'll never be able to stop learning. As also said, "Intellectual growth should commence at birth and cease only at death." - Albert Einstein. 

Something i'd also like to add is that i just, & when i say just i really mean like 1 - 2mins ago, discovered a quote, also from Albert Einstein that i thought was quite inspiring. "If you can't explain it simply, you don't understand it well enough." - Albert Einstein. Just gave me the push i needed to do well for my 'O' Level Exams. 

So okie, Ciao xx

I want to cry out but i know if i do then im gonna regret it. I need to keep myself busy to not think so much. and its hard when everything that i love and that had always put a smile to my face is now bringing tears to my eyes. i felt so vulnerable today. thank god for my friends. i wonder what would make me content with my life. i know i had it once but i know i lost it. so now i have to find another way to fill my happy basket. i wonder if i'll be able to do that again. i really dont understand how i can be both so happy and sad at the same time. i hate this feeling. 

fuck it fuck it all.

ps: i actually typed out 3 different paras and in the end settled with this. 
i hope everyone has a goodnight! treasure each moment like its the last!
So have a good week hopefully yeah!                             (:   /     ):     (?)


okay this post feels like a waste of space. dont bother reading this. its some nonsensical shit from me.

peace out shitsterz!

Adios amigos! XOXO

 well its not really a good thing cause then it would mean just one step closer to n level exams and i have a ss n level paper on monday and i havent started on anything at all. at times like these i wish that time would freeze and i'd be able to make everything right again and then unfreeze time because it sucks to know that with every second that passes, i sit here in my room, on my chair infront of my desk and type this shit out and unproductively mope around the ideas of my insanity. i guess time will tell. i have to stop thinking so much. my mind is going to drive me crazy very very soon. 





Bring me up and dont let me fall.
Be my savior and my all.
Is it so hard for you to stay?
Just one wish! just one wish please!
I miss yamseng :(

 

I'm going to learn to be independent. i'll be just fine.

grrrr lj is not allowing me to upload photos now because something is wrong with the servers. oh well anyway its 840am now, going for mass in abit. this weekend was good. though i stayed home the whole of saturday except to get dinner and my yummy bubble tea! haha it was really good. just sat at home and watched movies from before like bratz and percy jackson and the lightning thief. After mass i'll be heading to my aunt's house for her birthday. my august is going to be packed like hell!! due to all the august babies in my family:/ okay imma go and get change now! 



Adios!!!

why do we chase after the ones that dont give a damn about us and neglect the ones that have always been there waiting. 
its like a cycle. it just keeps repeating. we do that to others and others do that to others and then finally after awhile, it comes right back at you.
i think its just pathetic. why do we only appreciate things more when they're gone. i guess its because we take them for granted. thinking that it'll always be there. that it would never leave. they say those are are people that dont care about  the value of that matter. but i think that maybe, just maybe, its because we actually gave our trust. hoping that they'd stay forever. and i guess thats how we started to lose our trust in people. because we put hope in them, waiting and wishing that they'll be the ones to save us from the places that we're far too weak to climb back up from. 

in the end, all we get is lost, pain, suffering, a ripped heart, a torn soul and a weak self esteem. we lose the comfort we once bore in our very souls. the strength in our eyes and the innocence we were born with.

discarded, i say im weak. and i thirst for strength to pull through. 

goodnight.

What I want is to be needed. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction.
The one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person.The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open.People don’t want their lives fixed. Nobody wants their problems solved. Their dramas. Their distractions. Their stories resolved. Their messes cleaned up. Because what would they have left? Just the big scary unknown.Our Generation has had no Great war, no Great Depression. Our war is spiritual. Our depression is our lives.I think people used what they called a telephone because they hated being close together and they were scared of being alone.You have a choice. Live or die. Every breath is a choice. Every minute is a choice. To be or not to be.I want out of the labels. I don't want my whole life crammed into a single word. A story. I want to find something else, unknowable, some place to be that's not on the map. A real adventure. A spinx. A mystery. A blank. Unknown. Undefined. It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything. When we don't know who to hate, we hate ourselves.

Since change is constant, you wonder if people crave death because it's the only way they can get anything really finished.

the end.

I need to time to recharge. i feel really vulnerable now.